


Um...Spidey?

by AnonymouslyDead



Series: Superhero Requests [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Dimensions, Blood, Flowers, Fourth Wall Breaking, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Parasites, Vomit, lazy ending, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Spidey catches something that has him spitting flowers.Nataoi requested this prompt where Spider-Man gets Hanahaki over Wade and dr_empty requested spideypool in general. I hope y'all like it! Thanks for the prompts!
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Superhero Requests [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707157
Comments: 12
Kudos: 93





	Um...Spidey?

Peter coughed up flowers.

It started after a fight in another dimension. Peter didn’t remember all the details; he had to be carried out by Iron-Man from what he heard. Then, he ended up in a hospital. And now, he was here on his bathroom floor, coughing his lungs out. 

He felt as if something was crawling around inside of him, raking against the inside of his lungs. His Spidey-sense was ringing in his head as he coughed and coughed, a cacophony of noise to the already painful experience. He wanted to yell at it that he knew something was wrong, but he could barely muster another breath before falling into another coughing fit. 

Then, he felt something clog his airway. He hacked desperately, his lungs screaming for air, until he finally spat the obstruction out. 

A cluster of red petals that stuck together in a slick clump. They hit his tile floor with a wet slap. 

He forced himself not to think too hard on why they’re red. 

He doesn’t have much time to not think about it though before his stomach churns. Suddenly, he gagged again and again until he spat out a stream of flower petals almost like a fucked up anime scene. He got a short reprieve before he started gagging once more. 

He spent a long time clutching his toilet and heaving his lungs out. By the time the feeling finally leaves him, the surface of the water is covered in a gross mix of flowers and his stomach’s contents. It almost makes him want to puke again. 

Instead, he sat on his floor, heaving the first clear breathes he had since this mess started. He doesn’t trust himself to talk- his throat felt like it was on fire-, so he sent off a few texts to his emergency contacts. Once that was done, he looked at his phone. On a whim, he pulled up an Internet browser. It was a long shot, but he punched his symptoms into the search bar. 

“Hanahaki disease.” Every search result claimed that was what he had. It was a fictitious disease that makes you choke on flowers when you are in unrequited love. Every description of the disease seemed right on the money; he certainly was coughing up flowers until he was blue in the face. However, he was pretty sure he wasn’t in love with anyone-

His phone rang. Peter frowned, but he pressed the answer. 

“Hello?” He cringed. His voice sounded ragged to his own ear. Not to mention, his throat ached with the effort. 

“Spidey? You ok? I got your text.” Wade’s voice came back. “You sound like you deepthroated sandpaper.”

“Deadpool.” Peter said. His stomach flopped in an uncomfortable way as he took in what Wade said. “Might as well have.” He finished with.

“Kinky.” Peter huffed in amusement.

“Wade.” Peter felt his stomach churn once more. He let out a loud gag. 

“Spidey?”

Peter felt the urge to gag once more. He swallowed, forcing it back. “I...something happened.”

“Are you sick? Do you need chicken noodle soup and a good old sick day Golden Girls marathon?”

“No, it’s more on the supernatural body horror side.”

“Are we talking the Fly or the Thing?”

“The Thing mixed with Reagan’s vomit.” Peter gagged again, this time louder. He felt the flowers pressing on the back of his throat again. He tried to force them back, but his throat quickly clogged. He dropped his phone, rushing back to the toilet.

“Spidey?” Wade asked. “Spidey? Shit! I’ll be right there. Hold on.”

The line went dead. Peter spent a long minute heaving once more, but no more petals made their way out of his throat. Peter huffed out breaths, trying to catch them while he could. Shit.

What the hell was he going to do? First, Peter caught some weird flower disease and now, Deapool is-

He felt his stomach lurch once more. He coughed up a whole rose this time-painfully, he might add- into his hand. He turned over the slick flower in his hand. It was bright blood red almost like Deadpool’s suit-

Once again, he felt his stomach turn. He let out a few sickening gags that ripped his already sore throat a few new scratches. His lungs felt as if something was tightening around his lungs, trying to strangle him from the inside out. 

All at the mention of- 

....Oh.

************************************************************************************************

“Hey, Spidey? Hope you don’t mind but I tracked your phone and found your apartment.” Wade let himself into the cozy apartment. It was more minimalistic than Wade imagined. He would of thought that Spidey’s secret hideout would be more...webby-

No, focus! Spider-Man was in serious trouble. He can’t let himself be distracted. “Hey, Spidey?” Wade called. “You’re not dead, are you?” Wade felt his heart race in panic. A million bad thoughts quickly flooded his head. “Oh shit, Spidey. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead.” He said out loud as he looked around the apartment. 

“Wade?” He finally heard Spidey’s hoarse voice from the bathroom door. Wade sighed in relief. 

“Spider-Man, do not scare me like that.” Wade scolded. He pushed through the door of the bathroom only to register Spider-Man was in civilian clothes, not his trademark suit. He flinched and held his hands up in front of his face.

‘I didn’t see anything.”

“Wade-” Spider-Man said. A pained cough and a gag sounded through the bathroom. 

“Shit, Spidey. Are you puking a lung?”

“Haha-” Spider-Man huffed a few breaths. He retched again, but Wade didn’t hear anything more. “...Can you get my mask? It is in the nightstand by the bed.”

“Taking work to bed?” Wade joked, but he did as he was told and quickly. On the inside, he was panicking. Spider-Man had described some grade A horror movie shenanigans and Wade didn’t like the sound of it. 

“You do know puke is real hard to get out of a mask.” Wade remarked once he handed off the mask to Spider-Man. He waited as Spider-Man pulled it on before actually looking at the man. 

And, his heart almost stopped.

The bathroom floor was dotted with blood red petals and what Wade had a sneaking suspicion was blood mixed with saliva. Spider-Man sat in the middle of the mess, clutching the toilet as if his life depended on it. He looked at Spider-Man with his wide white eyes as if asking for help. 

‘Wade...I like you.”

Wade blinked. “Wut?”

“I like you.” Spider-Man repeated before launching into another coughing fit. He quickly rushed to yank up half of his mask and spat another flower onto the messy floor. “...Shit. I thought that would work.”

“Um...Webs. What the hell happened?” Wade deadpanned, struck by the admission. His heart was screaming, but his mind knew something must be wrong.

“I think I have Hanahaki.” Spider-Man admitted. 

“...The fanfiction trope?” Wade asked.

“The what?.”

“...Over me?” Wade added. Spider-Man looked at him and nodded.

“You’re so easy to get along with. You always run with my jokes and make me smile. I love when you tag along with me on patrol, and we go to that one Mexican stand on First Street. And then, we’d hang on the rooftops and I would just be struck by how much better you’re becoming. I just-” Spider-Man rambled before being cut off by a painful hacking cough.

“...What?” Wade repeated dumbstruck. He quickly shook his head. “Ok, not that I don’t like where this fanfiction is going but has anything weird happened to you lately? A magic spell gone wrong or a kick to the head maybe? Wait, is this some alternate dimension bullshit going on? Fanfic writers love that shit.”

“Wade, what the fuck?”

“No, seriously. What happened that started this mess?”

“Something in another dimension. A fight with this weird guy. I forgot his name, but he knocked me out.”

“Was that in Earth-420F?”

“...uh, maybe?” Spider-Man slowly spat out another petal.

‘Umm...Spidey, I don’t think that that is Hanahaki.”

Spider-Man looked at him questioningly.

“I went through that dimension. To cut a whole comic arc short, you might have an alien parasite nesting in your lungs.” 

“What?!” Spider-Man gasped, grabbing at his chest. The reaction made him heave harder. 

“Listen, we can have a long talk about the body horror of parasites and how much you apparently like me, but right now, we should probably get you to Dr. Strange or Iron-Man. Or Professor X? He could maybe telepath it out of you?” Wade shook his head. “Point is help.”

“Right, ok.” Spider-Man struggled to his feet. Wade rushed to his side, helping him to stand. 

Just then, he heard a thud at the door. Multiple feet (and wheels) stomped along the apartment floor. Suddenly, Iron-Man, Professor X, and Doctor Strange popped in, looking ready for a fight.

“Well, that was easy. Almost like a convenient end to this fic.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comment what you think and hit kudos if you liked it!


End file.
